You’ll only find happiness or satisfaction in the moments when your values are being upheld.
What are Values?
Our values are principles we hold dear, such as the importance of life, connection with others, selflessness, steadfastness, pleasure, influence, independence, and harmony. Values influence every choice we make and every relationship we form.
Most of us consider life itself so important that we will immediately rush to help someone if they are knocked down in the street, yet five minutes earlier we might have passed them and not given them a glance. We will spend any sum available for another hour with our dying partner; we will fundraise for someone we have never met to enable a life-saving treatment. We value our existence.
Our connection with others matters almost as much as life. We are a social species; we wither without contact. We desire it constantly – some more so than others, yet even those who prefer to live and work alone require some measure of human contact. Technologies that aid connectedness are embraced swiftly. Last century’s telephone and this century’s social media are two obvious examples. The isolation brought about by the world’s lockdown in 2020 have had damaging psychological consequences for many. We value connection.
Most Humans hold the same Core Values in Common
People in the same community or culture tend to value the same things in similar ways. They don’t need to ask other members about many of the things that matter; they intuitively ‘know’ them. Collectively, they understand that some things matter, other things don’t; some things are improper, other things are reprehensible.
Our values start forming at the beginning of life, when we start receiving and processing information about our environment. Our caregivers communicate their preferences and prejudices in every interaction, sometimes deliberately, but often without thinking. As we grow, we try things and experience the effect. We act alone, and with others. We see favourable outcomes and unfavourable ones and experience emotional reactions to all of it.
We internalise the consequences of all these interactions and our values take shape.
While the core values in any society could probably be named by any adult member of it after some thought, each individual ranks these values slightly – even very – differently, often mimicking the bias given to them by childhood caregivers.
Some differences between people are quite marked. Our physical characteristics can vary widely, even between those who are closely related. Yet physical differences do not affect the way we interact nearly as much as our value differences. Similar values bind us together; clashing values drive us apart, even if we have the same parents.
Values matter and almost everything we do – whether done consciously or unconsciously – is intended to support them.
Human Values form a Hierarchy
Some values are self-focused, such as Surviving and Indulging. Upholding these increases our sense of self-worth, but has little impact on those around us. Other values, such Connecting and Honouring add to the well-being of others when we advance them.
The Human Values Hierarchy illustrates the relationship between the ten core values all humans share.
You’ll spend your life supporting the things that matter
The priority or weighting we give these values is unique. Of the ten, two or three might have almost no meaningful impact on our activities; one or two probably influence most actions we take.
Life itself comes first, of course. We prioritise actions that help us live longer and more healthily. Many of us want entertainment and thrills. Some place a high value on having harmony in their environment.
Almost universally, we want to be touched and touch others, both emotionally and physically.
Every day, you’ll see efforts made by family members, friends, co-workers and strangers to uphold one or more of these values. This activity builds bonds – and causes rifts. People in the same family or team or community trying to uphold opposing values will quickly find a void opening between them.
For example, those vying for recognition may seek to gain it by promoting changes to traditional festivals. People who like the stability inherent in maintaining cultural norms are not likely to be in favour of these changes and may feel the foundations of their existence are being threatened.
Get to know your most important values
All people, regardless of their culture or country of residence, will have at least some feeling for these ten human values. However, the priorities we each give to each can be very different – even within a family.
Which of the human values matter most to you? What moves you? What activities do you admire? What attitudes do you think are reasonable – even desirable – and which actions are unjustifiable, in your view? What behaviours revolt you, and which ones invigorate you?
You’ll soon find out, with this exercise:
Write the ten principal values on pieces of paper or cards, so they can be moved around on a table top
Surviving: valuing existence; life itself, longevity and fulfilment, self respect, health and wellness, fitness and strength
Indulging; valuing self-gratification from external stimulus; wanting entertainment and rewards, comfort, opulence, extravagance, pleasure, joy and sensuousness
Aestheticising: valuing beauty, form and design, symmetry in the built environment, enjoying composition in nature and human-created spaces; enjoying artistic expression
Separating; valuing freedom and autonomy, taking on and exercising responsibility, showing self-reliance and exercising choice
Knowing: valuing competence and understanding; wanting awareness of events and their effect; concluding the state of things from investigations, study and interaction
Predominating: using standing and reputation to gain advantage or position; exerting influence, power and dominance, authority and control
Connecting: valuing friendships and deep relationships, loving others, associating and allying with like-minded people to support shared causes
Honouring: valuing steadfastness, exhibiting self-control and loyalty to rules and laws, demonstrating trustworthiness, diligence and discipline, dependability, faithfulness, patience and justice
Conserving: valuing one’s culture; recognising and supporting spiritual practices, tradition and ritual, environmental activism, unity, safety and peace
Giving: valuing altruism; gifting resources; showing humbleness and charity, fairness, kindness. empathy and tolerance
In this exercise, there is no ‘right’ starting place. Pick any card and read the description you wrote on it. Reflect on how much you value this. Put it in front of you. Pick up the next card and do the same, but now compare this value with the previous one. Which matters more to you? Push away the cards that matter less; pull the ones that resonate more deeply towards you.
Through this process, you will reveal your personal values hierarchy.
Do our values change?
Values themselves don’t change; these ten values have been the principal human values since mankind learned to reason and make judgements about the importance of things – and that was a long time ago. However, their the priority within us can and does change during our lives.
Our values continuously reflect our feelings and opinions about our culture, all its nuances and quirks and traditions – its prejudices and deficiencies too. Over a lifetime, we will live in different places, and we’ll very likely work in several different roles. We will come into close contact with people from other places who have had different experiences, and we will be affected by their attitudes and behaviours. All these things can cause us to re-evaluate values that we hadn’t previously thought much about.
Which values have become more meaningful to you over the last year – or ten years?
Upholding our values is important; it is the purpose of life
When we step back and watch ourselves, we are able to see the patterns we make. Every voluntary action we take supports or advances values. We eat and drink and sleep to ensure life continues. We socialise to make and maintain connections. If we, say, demonstrate diligence in any task, it will be because dedication to the details matters to us. If recognition is important, we might seek training to improve our job performance so we can advance.
Which values are consistently upheld by the people you admire?
Life is complex. We fill many roles. Consider how you prioritise your values differently in each role, if you do. Are you being authentic, meaning true to yourself – if your priorities aren’t consistent?
We uphold the values that matter. Now that you understand more about the values you’re prioritising, are you satisfied? What would have to happen for things to change?